Tuesday, April 30, 2013

You Just Got Delanied

Well, if you ask me (but you didn't), change is definitely in the air. Some people might say it's because Spring has sprung. I however, will chalk it up to having to do mostly with the changing of my blog. New design, and new word (spoiler alert* it's FOOD) in the title. The makeover mostly has to do with the fact that I love juxtaposing unrelated concepts. What does being scared Sweenless have to do with a flyaway dandelion? Not a blessed thing, unless you count the fact that I'm always a little worried whenever I blow on one and not all the little florets get blasted loose from the stem. And although the emotion of worry can eventually lead to fear, I don't think we've reached that point just yet. I just liked the idea of shaking things up a bit. And I love, love, LOVE food, so I thought it would be very appropriate to declare my affection openly. That seems to be the thing to do nowadays.

But what about the other words I've singled out in the title to describe the things that matter most- family, friends, AND fiction? I feel like I've been sorta letting these things fly too far under the radar. Time to remedy the fault of forthrightness, starting with one of the brightest stars of my, and pretty much anyone's life. That's right, we're talking about the Costco pizza-loving, perpetual Hannah Montana-watching, afraid-of-nail-clippers little sister... DELANEY M. SWEENEY! I was looking through some of my pictures and just wanted to highlight this uniquely special member of the Sweeney family tree.


Ok, technically this is not a photo of her. But it explains what is to come.

If I have a faux headshot session, guess who's there to steal the spotlight?




Laney, classically hogging our Noni





I gave her a makeover. At first, she wasn't all that tickled about it.

But the end result was too aesthetically pleasing

And... end scene with sassy hair flip
You may have noticed that in most of the photos, Delaney is sporting her much-loved Hello Kitty shirt that she dons daily after school. To mess with her, I showed up one day with my mom to pick her up from school, wearing it. Needless to say, she was not pleased with my fashion statement. And I can't say it's my best look.


 She does love her some cheeseburgers
Who makes the world's cutest Christmas tree? This girl!


Delaney's sick obsession- our beautiful, evil cat Sophie.
While in the mall,  some new friendships were formed.

Such is life with Laney. Inescapable, undeniable good times for all. I still can't believe she's a full-blown teenager. And even though she doesn't develop exactly like a typically developing child, she still supplies plenty of 'tude. And channeling some of that attitude, I will sign off by saying, "out!" (Delaney's command anytime I try to enter her room while she's dancing to Taylor Swift). It's just goes to show that even though some things change (big or small), Laney is and always will be, Laney.

Reminiscently yours,

Sweeney

Thursday, April 11, 2013

I Beg My Pardon (And So Can You!)

OK, so every once in awhile, we are forced into retrospection; usually when there is nothing more interesting to occupy our minds. Take for example, the new Man of Steele movie. In spite of my opinion that Superman is the least interesting of all superheroes, the trailer for this reboot is drawing my attention like the Magna Doodle pens do to the little lead beads. But in the absence of new movie trailers, memes, or gossip, usually we are only left with reflection of the past and inquiries of the future, all to avoid dwelling on the present task at hand.
 
Such is life as the Home Depot water girl. Many people pass me as I water and playfully comment, "wow, that would be a great job to have!" That's what I usually think about teachers or politicians or other hot shots (in Spanish, you'd say 'peces gordos,' which means "fat fish"). Not that I don't enjoy my job, but it is A LOT of water. And it's not particularly brain-stimulating. Which gives me plenty of pondering time. And I could create several blogs over the material that has come to me during these small hours-
www.growbiointensive.org
But my best water-lation (revelation, but wetter- get it?) thus far came whilst I was in the middle of watering the Jasmine vine plants at the back of the nursery. My mind wandered to a certain someone I know who did some things that are so heinous, it almost leaves your brain numb to think about it. Trust violated, hearts hardened, that kind of jazz. Things that only belong on the worst episodes of Jerry Springer.

So imagine my disdain when this same person, obviously weighed down with imperfections and a hearty dose of stupidity, starts mocking a reality star for their drug abuse frailties. I just couldn't believe it. For me, this person's crimes far outshone what some random famous fool had done. By a long shot. And so... Hello?! Was homie for real? How can someone whose actions have changed the course of several peoples' lives have the colossal nerve to harp on a complete stranger, when said enigma's sins pale in comparison? I was awed, baffled, and really pretty angry.

However, I was still watering, so I was able to meditate over the matter a little more. Then it occurred to me- Oh. My. HELL. I wonder if that's how GOD feels about each and every one of us. To him, we must all seem like perpetual hypocrites. Have you ever had that moment- you have just told someone not to pick their nose in public or to stop incessantly tapping their nails on the table... only to find yourself doing the same thing not much later!  We just can't seem to help ourselves.  A lot of times, we even dedicate our prayers to pointing out how much someone bugged us that day. Well, that could just be me. I figure if  the human race gets a kick out of "The Real Housewives," well, maybe God enjoys his daily dose of drama as well.  Anyway, I read a great little ditty in some other blog/post/article that I don't remember now about how much we all want to be pardoned by the world for "not being perfect," and yet, we ourselves are so slow to forgive the least offenses we perceive have been committed against us.

Ironically enough, right now it's 9:39 at night, and the subject of the pre-recorded episode of "Criminal Minds" that I'm watching focuses on a murderer who chooses his victims based on how their private lives clash with the projected perfection of their public profiles. One of the victims, for example, was a reporter who tattled on the world while secretly growing a stash of pot in her backyard. The plot is a lot more complicated than this, but the point is, the murderer was punishing people in secret (a crime), for other people secretly committing crimes but supposedly going unpunished. So he was hypocritcally killing all the hypocrites. Technically, he should have just been killing everyone then, because almost always, the lives we all portray to the world are not always the ones we are actually living. I guess the best lesson I've learned from both my Depot days (o sea, nights) and my penchant for all things dramatic television is that we are all hypocrites and we all need to go a little easier on each other. Including ourselves. A little pardon goes a long way.

Is this actually gonna happen? Nah. We've been at this for 6,000 years people. Mr. Rogers little village of warm fuzzies wasn't built in a day. Let's just say we're a LOOOOOOOOONG-time work-in-progress. We are critical beings with vitriolic sweetness by nature. But hey, they say recognition and acceptance are the first steps. And what I'm saying ain't new. Guess it'll take a few more such "water-lations" for the message to get through. Oh, well. In the meantime there's denial and a whole smorgasbord of great T.V.

See ya,

Sweeners